Your relationship picture
You can love someone and still find yourselves wanting different things. You can want the same future and struggle to work together towards it.
Understanding where the difficulty sits gives you somewhere useful to begin.
These two scorecards explore the life you want together and how you experience the relationship today. Take them individually, then use this page to put your results together.
Start with the scorecards Already have your results? Make sense of themBegin here
Start with Same Dream, Same Team, then take Relationship Vitals for more detail. If you have already completed one, you can begin using the guide below now.
Explore whether the future you each want fits together, and whether you both feel involved in carrying your shared life.
Your result helps you identify whether your direction, your partnership or both deserve attention.
Explore Clarity, Connection and Communication.
Your results help you recognise what you can draw on and where understanding, closeness or difficult conversations need attention.
Answer separately if your partner takes them too. You will each receive a picture based on your own experience. Each scorecard opens in a new tab, so you can return here afterwards.
The guide
Keep your results open as you work through this guide.
Your scores are a starting point. The examples and experiences behind your answers give them meaning.
You do not need identical interests, ambitions or preferences. You need a direction that reflects what matters to both of you.
Do you both take responsibility, have a meaningful say and support each other? Contributions can look very different while both people remain engaged.
Read your two results together
Select the position your answers place you in.
Your position
Choose a quadrant to read what it may mean, and the question worth asking together.
Ask
Your position describes the pattern in your answers today. It can change. A Different Dream result does not, by itself, establish that your futures are incompatible.
Your Vitals help you explore how things are working between you. Read each area separately. A stronger score in one area can sit alongside a difficulty in another.
Clarity
How well do you understand yourself, your partner and what sits beneath your reactions?
Clarity becomes useful when an argument starts to make more sense. You can begin to understand why something matters so much, what each person is trying to protect and where your assumptions differ.
Ask
“What do I think is happening here… and what have I actually checked with my partner?”
Connection
How much warmth, interest and emotional closeness do you experience?
You might keep daily life running while missing each other as people. Or you might still feel close, even during a difficult period.
Ask
“When do we feel close, and when do we struggle to reach each other?”
Communication
Can you say what matters, clarify misunderstandings and repair the distance created by conflict?
The amount you talk tells only part of the story. What happens when something is uncomfortable, misunderstood or difficult to hear matters too.
Ask
“What important thing is difficult to say between us, and what tends to happen when we try?”
What do the percentages mean?
It is not a percentage measure of how healthy your relationship is.
Each percentage reflects your answers to the questions in that area. A higher score means you described those experiences more consistently.
Read the explanation alongside the number. Then return to the questions you found difficult to answer or scored less positively. Those often give you a more useful starting point than the overall impression.
Same Dream, Same Team helps you locate the broad difficulty. Relationship Vitals adds detail that may help you understand it.
You may want similar things but struggle to discuss responsibility, make workable agreements or repair disagreements. Explore what happens when you try to address the load you are each carrying.
You may be able to discuss your differences respectfully and still want different outcomes. The conversation may need to explore whether there is a future both of you can choose.
You may agree on your direction and work effectively together while missing warmth, interest or time as a couple. A life that runs well can still need more opportunities to reach each other.
These are examples to help you reflect. Your Vitals do not automatically determine your quadrant or explain what caused it.
Complete this sentence
“My answers suggest we are . The part I want to understand better is .”
What you write stays on this page. It isn’t sent or saved.
A shared dream can feel obvious before you have discussed the details.
You may both want security, but one imagines savings in the bank while the other imagines building a business. You may both want family time, but picture very different ways of spending it.
Think about how much your answers draw on conversations you have actually had.
Ask
“Where might we be using the same words while imagining different things?”
If there is one major unresolved difference, give it attention even if your overall Dream result is Same. Agreement in several areas does not settle one decision that matters deeply.
“When life became difficult, what did we learn about how we face it together?”
These reflections add context. They do not add or subtract points from your scorecard results, and your answers stay on this page.
Your partner may describe the relationship differently.
One of you may feel supported while the other feels alone. One may believe a decision is agreed while the other feels they have gone along with it. Those differences are worth understanding.
If you both want to compare results, choose one area and share a recent example behind your answer. Give each person time to explain before trying to resolve it.
You could begin with
“I answered this way because I was thinking about… What were you thinking about when you answered?”
The aim is to understand what each of you is experiencing. Keep both perspectives visible rather than averaging your scores.
You do not have to address everything at once. Look back over your results and choose one question.
Broad intention
“We need better communication.”
Something to explore
“I want us to understand why conversations about weekends keep ending in the same argument.”
Your results become useful when they help you notice something, name it more clearly and decide where to give your attention.
Yours to build
Single or together, we return to these questions. Choose the one closest to what you’re facing.
A cycle to return to as life changes.
Find your focus
You might be deciding what you want, finding it hard to reach each other, shaping a shared life, or wondering who you are becoming.
Select a place on the cycle to explore it.
Show me what’s useful for where I am:
Begin with your shared direction and partnership, then explore how things are functioning.
Explore the relationship scorecards ↑What would you want a future relationship to make possible for both of you?
When you’re exploring a relationship together, Same Dream Same Team and Relationship Vitals can help you understand the picture between you.
See the relationship scorecards ↑